You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
