I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You don't make any sense
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