The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
