A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
