just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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