turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
