So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
