Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
