God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
