Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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