I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
