Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
