I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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