Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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