Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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