How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
