I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
