I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
