Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
