He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
