Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
