I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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