Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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