dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
