just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
