We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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