Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
