Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Two words: nipple clamps
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