I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
