I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
