people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
