YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
