At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
