I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
