So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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