This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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