i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
