TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
