$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
