You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
