just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
