I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
then he tried to convert me to islam
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
