Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
