If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
