sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
