The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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