I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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