It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
