i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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