we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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