she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
