I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We smell like vodka and hangover
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