Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
