ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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