Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
