exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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