Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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